This title started out by an accident - Julia was wanting to relay her favorite words to me and watch them get typed out. But as I opened this document today, I realized that it’s not far off from what has been on my mind.
Do you ever feel like something is absolutely filling your life or surroundings all of a sudden? Not because it wasn’t there before but because you finally noticed it? The day I realized light jeans were a trend, I walked outside and felt that I was being bombarded by faded denim. Lately I feel that I am surrounded by broken things. Perhaps starting with the occasions of flighting away to the rural midwest to be with my parents at the start of Coronavirus drama. Boris and Julia brought in plenty of joy as well as shatterings/alterings to the environment. Then the hard plastic backs of my knock off Puma’s began to break through the fabric and dig at my heel. After that Boris dropped my makeup compact and the powder crumbled. Everytime he puts on his little red backpack I notice the strap is hanging by one less string. And finally at the tide pools last week, as small fingers glistening with saltiness darted in and out of my sight, my lap filled with shards of seashells… I noticed that I had been noticing. Gradients of creamsicle, faded polka dots of magenta and glitched swirls of silver and green. I am writing through this now not knowing where this train of thought is going.
I suppose our country and world feel especially broken right now. Of course things always are crumbling somewhere. But it seems that any vision of stability or normalcy has been rendered beyond quick repair. The summer that I was pregnant with Boris, I dropped three different glass containers and all of them had irreparable damage of course. But I kept thinking - is this permanent? Has pregnancy forever altered my ability to hold things? It wasn’t permanent. Maybe I hope the country is going through a bad pregnancy right now. There is some amazing, passionate and beautiful baby inside but to grow it takes a lot of throwing up and pain. Maybe we are pregnant and don’t know it yet... like those great reality TV shows.
Between moving back to California, a far away funeral, and then coming home again - my efforts at HOME HEALTH ART MUSIC STUDIES SPIRITUALITY have been in survival mode. The picture of things is a little more like: Cleaning up PEE Going through MAIL Watching movies till MIDNIGHT And Eating POPSICLES
P.M.M.P...I don’t know if this acronym is going to have any staying power. However we have been trying to catch up on great films (highly recommend “The Last Black Man in San Francisco”! Artistic and poetic and soft and hard and perfect.), and I have had a little space to practice vocal work and project plots. I LOVE to plot! Do you ever like to plot? I don’t know why I need to use that word instead of “dream”, or “plan” etc. but it is truly the only accurate word for me. It doesn’t make sense in definition but it does in emotion. But I am trying so hard to believe and follow through with the belief that I can live the fullest family life of my dreams but that it is not a barrier or choice I have to make over composing, performing, and creating the art and music of my dreams. I often daydream choosing one or the other but rarely am able to combine the two. I guess you could say I keep them fractured, but would like to glue them together. I am feeling really sparked on making melodies and music these days and trying to make painting an extension of the lyrics/interests that guide that.
I will wrap this up now with customary blog photos featuring Julia and I dining on overripe peaches in our mud garden under the stairs. I have not yet determined the importance of the long red mermaid wig in the existence of Kiki LaPomme..and also wanted to highlight the amazing crocheted bandana that my friend Nicole mailed me (with two for the babes!). She has a great etsy called TheLoonStudio if you want to check it out! And please try with me to hold onto the hope that even though fragments of seashells can be hot glued onto tacky animal shapes with googly eyes and sold at markets, this seashell animal baby we are creating is not going to be tacky and is NOT going to have googly eyes.